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My Baby Brother

For those of you who have been here before but don’t necessarily know our back story:

We are a radical unschooling family of 4. Rodel, the dad, Amber (me) the mom, and our two wonderful kiddos: Trystan 16 and Livy 13. What you might notice in looking at the introductory photo above, is that there is an additional person pictured. That person is my baby brother, Tyler. I posted this picture months ago after returning from a trip to California to visit family. I decided to use it here as our introductory picture because I thought it so well captured the happy go lucky family we are. And I figured Tyler being in the shot (even if this blog is more about the four of us) just added that much more to it, so I left it.

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Today, as I write this, I am so glad that I did.
Today, as I write this, my heart is breaking.
Today, as I write this I am trying to make sense of the events that transpired on November 28th.
It all starts with a phone call from California late in the evening as I was settling into bed. A night I will never forget. The night I was told that my 25 year old brother was no longer with us, that he had been found at 2 o’clock in the afternoon; leaving us in physical form at some time in the early morning hours of Thanksgiving day. A senseless accident it seemed.  An exuberant life lost, leaving what feels to be the biggest hole in  my being that I ever experienced.  For the first time in my life, I am left wondering, fearing whether or not the happy-go-lucky idealistic dreamer I have always been will ever be the same.

 

My brother’s beach (his fave surfing spot); the last place I ever spent time with him.

This forever will be a sacred place to me.
I am hoping that you are there now, Tyler, riding the waves, flying free and at peace.
You were more than my brother, you were one of my best friends, a soul connection from the moment I first held you in my arms. I love you more than words can ever ever express. I miss you so much.

 

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