Sometimes it’s only in the darkest moments you are able to see the light.
Upon awaking this morning, my eyes opened to focus on this view and in the quiet moments that passed, my heart and mind opened to the symbolism in that moment; an inner knowing, a realization that the darkness that surrounded me was of my choosing. Because, sometimes we choose to remain in the dark. Sometimes it’s easier to close our eyes or pull the covers up over our head. Sometimes it’s easier than facing the light, facing the truth. So we keep the light within, pushed deep down below the surface. We work against it, trying to squash it, to extinguish it even. Because we fear the light may burn. And indeed it may. But even in the darkness, the light finds a path, finds a way to beam forth. Even amidst our attempts of putting it out from within, it finds a way outside of us, another way in. It fights ruthlessly against our dark state, desperate to make us acknowledge its presence.
In the quiet of this scene in my room this morning, gazing upon that beam of light shining forth, transfixed as it pulled me under its spell, I realized something else. There is a certain duality that comes with seeing the light for what it is, with clarity there sometimes comes resistance to the truth but also the opportunity for acceptance. Both, a necessary and normal part of the process. In that moment, all my persistent plaguing thoughts made sense to me. How could I choose to be so blind to what was so apparent? Why was I trying to find a way to block the light and stay in the dark, assuring myself that there must be a plausible explanation, that things weren’t really as they seemed. But today, it was clear to me. The signs were all there and when I allowed the light be shed, to look upon the scene with new eyes, enlightened, for the first time, I allowed myself to truly see.
I’d be lying if I said it was easy to let go, and let the light in. I’d be lying to tell you that it didn’t hurt because it did. Letting that light, that clarity bubble up and engulf me did burn. But it was only for a second. The burning settled and was transformed into a sort of warmth, a sweet relief of acceptance. As I write this, I face the remainder of the day grateful for that light streaming in, grateful for my awareness. If I am strong enough (and deep down I know I am strong enough) to continue to just let go, to stop resisting, I allow room for acceptance and then . . . I am free, I become that light in the darkness.
I wish you love and light always,
to sustain you in the dark times, when things are not clear or the truth seems unbearable to face . . .
*I am sharing this post in an effort to inspire you to have courage, to face the light and grant yourself the freedom you deserve, freedom from the darkness, from whatever it is you are seeking to hide from. As a matter of explanation, on the eve of a very tumultuous year for me, losing someone very special to me, friendships being defined, and wondering just what will become of me, I find myself in that place of questioning much and in desperate need of clarity. There are things I am helpless to understand and so the easy thing to do is just pretend those questions don’t exist, easier to just push those doubts away, hide them from the light but that’s not how the universe works. The light will always find its way to you. It must. And it has. It may take more time than we want it to, but the light will always shine forth, always make things clear to us.
A message from the Universe sent to me just this morning:
It’s not knowing what the answer or solution is, but simply knowing that there is one, which brings it forth.
Of course, you already knew that –